He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
