You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
