i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
