I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
