Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i think im in europe. pls send help
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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