I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
