right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
