Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
