Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
