Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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