Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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