Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
