Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
