I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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