the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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