Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
