There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
