Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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