Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
