I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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