lets start a swedish sibling band together
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
