I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
