If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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