I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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