Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
