how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We have started to decorate penises.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
