You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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