So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
