So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
