I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
