Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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