is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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