you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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