bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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