Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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