I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
pray to the hookup gods
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
