college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
