I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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