Have you finally orgasmed yet?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
