I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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