I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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