quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
