i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
