grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
