Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
