Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
