I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You don't make any sense
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