i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
