just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
