my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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