I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
