he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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