Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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