I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
sex in a hospital.. check
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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