so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
