VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
