How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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