At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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