you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
