I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
