ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
