I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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