I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
