FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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