We're like a lot better than the average bears
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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