My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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