i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
