I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
did i walk over a car last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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