I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
