Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
