Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
