you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
