my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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