I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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