It's Friday. Sex?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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