Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
