Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
